.whoami?

i still don't know who i am, but i do know who i am not. i spent some significant portion of my lifetime coding, but i believe that does not make me particularly a coder. i cant call myself that with a straight face. since i started doing it for living, i hardly had touched it in my free time since. i see it only as a part of my skillset. when i grow up, i want to be a renaissance man. but future is so far, right? of course, surely i've got so much time, im only one quarter of a century in so far...

i like doing things i find beauty in. i've found beauty coding and so i did it - yeah i really did, even in such seemingly rigid discipline. does that say anything about me?

sometimes, i talk like a scientist, other-times like a poet, usually like a drunkie. very often i forget how to talk. and when i do, i try to talk with actions - although it's hard for me to deny the fact i am the talk-the-walk-walk-the-talk type.. of which im not too fond and proud of, honestly.

i've been finding myself in like 4 or 5 different pools of personalitites - and i'm still looking forward to the new ones. fortunately unfortunately, our species are 60% water ¹- i'll let the pieces-fitting up to you. i distance myself from all my past misdoings and old sins. unfortunately, i can't change any of that, and i refuse to be miserable about things i can't change.

..whatdoido?

hard to say. one time im here and other time over there. i am mentally all over the place while tightly physically seated - in tram, in an office chair, in a city-cowboy saloon. i am running around stealing both mental and physical bricks for my lost creative looney tunes town, where the stairs do not lead all the way up to the attic and where i guess everyone went for lunch; or bingo?...

since i have finished the school, life has opened in its full width, as i see it. and so i try to pry out of me the most i can, while i can and while there is what to pry out. the magic of the human body is it always grows something, even after you repetetively take from it. i take from myself and put that into texts, graphics, visuals. and each time, it still regrows and flourishes within me.

...whatdoiwant?

i want to find out what is it i want from me and the life. but what i know is i want to live in peace. i desire of work. and i want my flowers not to wither as some of them like to do, those pesky terrorists. my father is far better gardener than i am, hopefully i'll get up to his level, eventually. and not in the gardening only.